Advanced Poems

Advanced poems are designed for children who read very well independently.
These poems average more than 200 words and often contain play-on-words (puns and idioms).
But, don’t worry…
If any of these puns and idioms go over your head (man, I really like idioms!), that’s OK!
In the appendix of each book are explanations of these play-on-words.
Below are three sample advanced poems.

EMPTY BEACHES

They’ve closed every beach in the great state of Maine
So, of course, the whole summer, the children complain

In New Hampshire, they’ve gone and shut down Hampton Beach
‘It’s off limits!’, the mayor declares in a speech

What about Massachusetts?  They’ve blocked off Cape Cod.
It’s completely deserted.  This looks a bit odd.

In New Jersey, they’ve quarantined all of the shore
Plus, Long Island, New York is abandoned.  What for?

They have blocked off Virginia, all summer, they say
Same with Georgia and Florida.  They’re empty today.

With no people around, no one ever gets hurt
No one gets sunburned badly not wearing a shirt

No one worries the sun block will get in their eyes
No one trips over waves, ends up injured, or cries

Yes, these beaches are safe since there’s nobody here
Now’s the best time to go since the (East) coast is clear

ART GALLERY

Around 7:15, this past Saturday night
The art gallery boss shouted, ‘Something’s not right!’

All the paintings were taken down off of the wall
Worse, the nails were removed.  There were none left at all.

And where there were once holes, there was plaster and paint
When the boss saw this wall, my, she nearly did faint!

For the art gallery was approaching, and soon
It was scheduled to open on Sunday at noon

With no workers around to assist the poor boss
Knowing she’d have to work the whole night, she felt cross

For the next 16 hours, the boss worked straight through
She put 500 nails in the wall.  This is true!

Plus, she hung all the paintings, 200 or more
It was now Sunday morning, near noon (just before)

With an eager crowd waiting outside to come in
The boss thought she had made it and let out a grin

The grin turned to a frown when she saw on the floor
A large pile of nails, right beside the main door

With just three seconds left and still sporting that frown
The boss shoved all the nails in her mouth and bit down

Then the boss closed her lips, so nobody could see
All the nails she was biting in her gallery

As the patrons walked in, her mood turned a bit brighter
She made it, barely.  It was a nail-biter.

ANGRY SPATULA

Angry Spatula’s cooking some pancakes again
He has batter for 12, but will only make 10

After pouring the batter all over the griddle
Two of the pancakes get stuck in the middle

Soon, Angry Spatula slides underneath
And then flings them up high while he’s gritting his teeth

When the flapjacks come down, they land far from the pan
There, annoyed, he throws all of them in a trash can

Staying calm, Angry Spatula starts to make more
If he sizes them right, at one time, he’ll make four

In a minute or so, he gets ready to flip
As he does, Angry Spatula loses his grip

The four pancakes fly up, in the air, very high
They fall down in a stack, on the floor, not close by

With six pancakes now ruined, he loses his cool
‘Is this some sort of joke?  If it is, it seems cruel!’

He scoops out the last batter, enough for four ‘cakes
‘These will be my best batch.  I’m done making mistakes!’

As the last pancakes cook, Angry Spatula sings
He tries hard to stay calm when his front doorbell rings

Once he opens the door, he then quickly backtracks
To the cooktop, where he sees four burning flapjacks

Feeling furious, Spatula loses control
After heaving them high, they land, neat, in a bowl

‘I will never cook pancakes again!’, he does shout
Like the pancakes, the Spatula’s now flipping out